It was a long shot, but he had to try
by Julesoftherealm
Summary: A little moment of head cannon during the last moment in season 3 before the winter hiatus. This is my idea of what went through Killian's mind when he showed up at Emma's door in New York, with just a little twist at the end. I tried to keep as close to the source material as I could. Enjoy! (I generally write technical and journalistic pieces, this was quite a stretch. :)


The door slowly opens, revealing her face in a single beautifully lingering moment. It is there, invading his whole being before even a single word is spoken… Hope. He feels the warmth of familiarity light up his face. This incredible, courageous, stunning woman stands before him. She's unabashedly Powerful, the embodiment of all his hopes, even dressed up, as she is in simple tartan flannels. This is woman that he has come to love. His… Swan.

"At last".

He is so focused on her that he doesn't even realize that the words have slipped out. She looks rightfully puzzled, but a flicker of something crosses her face and inspires him to take a step forward before she puts her hand out to stop him.

"Do I know you" she asks .

He knows what he must do, plead for her heart to release its iron grip on her memories. Charming had assured him in private confidence that even with the new memories given to her by Regina, her past still remained, indelible and written in the unconscious part of her mind, a glimmer of memory that remained behind, locked away but intact. He had been warned that it may not work. At least at first…

But Killian was steadfast in his purposes, he must try to awaken it, bring the spark back to life. He had crossed an ocean of realms, just to be here at her door nearly a year later. He had risked his life and all that he had just to discover her. Not one day had passed in which he not upheld his parting promise. He would always remember her, even as he faded from her mind. His heart cried a warning of remembrance… to her he had never existed. The truth was an impossible fantasy. It was lost to time and a new set of memories courtesy of the queen's gift.

"Look, I need your help, something's happened, something terrible" he begun, eyes focused evenly on hers, pleading silently for her to see the truth in them. "Your family is in trouble…"At this she looked angered. "My family is right here. Who are you", she demands, fire behind her eyes, as her features tighten. He puts slow deliberate emphasis behind his next words.

"An old friend".

He manages to speak each word with the unspoken gravity of the knowledge that to him, she is so much more. "I know you can't remember me but..." he pauses and makes a deliberate choice. He has been warned that this may not work – that the loss of her memory will dampen the awakening power of true loves kiss – but it is all that he has to give, this attempt beyond words that might just give her mind pause, remind her of a kiss in a dangerous far away forest that lays veiled in the darkest corners of her mind. "but, I can make you" he declares while reaching for the golden-haired beauty that owns his heart completely. Perhaps what love he carries in his heart is enough to awaken her… bring back his Swan. He clings to this hope like a lifeline. He kisses her for but a moment, experiences the soft flutter of her eyelash against his cheek and the softness of her curls against his palm. He's completely lost to her, giving her in that single moment all that he has in his heart to give, before the moment shatters and he feels the sharp pain of a knee to groin as he's pushed back with surprising strength.

All that he had, and it wasn't enough.

He pushes back against the despair. "what the hell are you doing" she cries out. His only answer exposes the fervency of the hope he clings too. "A long shot, I had to try, I was hoping you felt as I did."

Her reply comes all too quickly.

"All you're going to feel is the handcuffs when I call the cops" she threatens.

Despite the intensity of her reply he knows that he must continue on, his love for her is true, even if for now unrequited. She deserves the chance to save the family she loves, even if she doesn't yet remember them. Somehow he has to make her believe again… "Look." He can hear the desperation creeping into his tone, as he speaks. "I know this seems crazy, but you have to listen to me, you have to remember…" The last word is lost as the door is closed against his plea, and all the brightness of his Swan fades from his word once more. It is darker than the enveloping clouds of the curse that had pressed against him like climbing walls of desolation, tearing from him everything that mattered. He had watched her than, a yellow glimmer shinning like a ship on the blackest sea till he could see her no more. He had promised himself than that he would find her again. He had silently avowed that he would always find her, no matter where she might have traveled; he would find some way to follow. This love he had discovered in her would not be for naught. It was a promise he renewed now. He would find his Swan, he would carry the message of truth to her, he would bring her back to herself, find a way to finally bring this lost girl home. For her, and her alone he would become the hero she didn't hitherto realize that she needed. In some strange twist of fate, he found he hadn't wasted his life after all. Instead he had let go of the past and embraced the possibility of hope. A future. Despite all odds and at the very edge of villainy he was given a second change. He had found a love worth all costs. It wasn't revenge, and it wasn't his life, it was and would always be… because of Emma Swan.

There was none else in all the realms that could ever lead him to fight the fateful fall of providence just to find her.

None… but one… that of the heart of a pirate's swan princess.

A secret wrapped up in an epilogue…

That there was pixie dust involved in discovering her abode, and in bringing about the heart breaking reality of this moment, was a secret he would never speak of to anyone, even if confronted with all the confessional demands of echo cave. He had given his word to her long ago in Neverland, and his code demanded unwavering obedience to that promise. If she would have him, than she would choose him. No words of fate, destiny or otherworldly fairy tales would ever take that choice from her. … he however, would always live with the inescapable knowledge… that for him, she was it.

His one true love.


End file.
